buddha struggle

I have been dormant for many months, coming close to the yearly mark. Havent felt like myself and havenapos;t done much to correct that. Maybe sometime between then and here iapos;ve found enough excuses or maybe iapos;ve changed in such a mannner that i am not myself anymore, or cannot become what ever was, if i was ever to move in a forward motion. Perhaps maybe these things are meant to be in such a way so that i can become someone i can identify with. Who knows?
for now i have illusive dreams of being the kokanee girl, growing anorexicly faint and cultivating white beauty from every pore.
ah grandeur, sweet sweet.
sometimes i think it is better to kid yourself than to believe the worst is yourself.
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